Depressed

Yet again, the past week was another depressed week. First mainly because I didn't get the work recognition whereas someone else got it. It was so hurt, when do feel that you deserve it as well. Well, of course, they may not have any good reason to give me because of the things that I am working on now, when it's really demotivating. Iwant it, damn it!

I felt that i am in a slump at my work place right now. In the coming checkpoint, I would wanna voice out all the dissatisfaction that I am facing, no shit about that. Just tell the manager what you want and what you feel. Bloody hell, enough is enough. I have no progress in my career at all, thanks to bad leadership and no good role model to follow. Fuck. I want to be in charge of something!

Going on some tough time in personal relationship as well. It seems that no one is really genuine at all. I got a feeling that AW is using me. Right after the midterm, that's it, no more sms reply etc. That is like so fucking obvious, 180 degrees!

Back to square one, control your desire and thoughts. Who cares about bitches, I know what I am capable of and what I deserve. I don't need this missing, checking phone for sms, worrying and caring kinda shit! Doesn't even have the courtesy to return sms or calls or emails. What the hell does that suppose to mean?

Fuck it! So down, full of anger, and everything.

Keep on working, man. Hardwork is the key to success. Focus and have discipline.

A start?

We have been in contact quite frequent over the past few days mainly on SMS and over the phone. Could this be a start on something? Her response seems to be different and she even mentioned of going out with me after the midterm. I thought it was all over between me and AW.

Anyhow, lesson learnt, I will try to control my thoughts and desire.

Midterm tests galore coming up soon, 3/5, 7/5 and 13/5. *gulp*

Okay I know, just be steady, be cool and there's nothing to worry about. This is maybe the 184267th times that I had test. So, I should really stop being scared/anxious/nervous about test!!!

I just need to try my best!